If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
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