I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
