We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
