Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
