Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
