True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
