She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
