you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
