we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
