I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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