its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
