he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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