omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
