If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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