Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
