don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
