just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
