Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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