so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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