Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
