Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
