Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I wear drunk well.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
