I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
