Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
