so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize