I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
