That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Randomize
