So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
