Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Randomize
