I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Randomize
