he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
you will always have a special place in my vag
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
