started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
