i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
