Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
