this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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