Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
only if we run a train.
done.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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