i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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