I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
