yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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