Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
