He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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