I love black thongs
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
