Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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