Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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