Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
We left an ass print on the piano.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
