I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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