He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
what day is it and did you see me today?
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
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