maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
