It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
