just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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