Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
