Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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