the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Randomize
