You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
