Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
