I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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