just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
