Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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