Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
someone owes me an orgasm
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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