Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
