I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
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