i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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