somebody snuck up and got me drunk
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
