hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
