Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
i wish my penis had a tongue
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
