FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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