dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Randomize
