Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
