@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
