he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
