My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
