you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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