My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Randomize
