Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
