I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize