hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Randomize
