I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
