I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Randomize
