We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
