I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
