TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
