I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
