I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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