We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
