Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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