you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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