Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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