I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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